|
Preface:
================
I am of the
opinion that theologies are solutions to mental problems.
As the human
brain develops it creates a "platform" (way of looking at things, or
weltanschauung) from which to view its place in the world. Although there
are generic varieties of theology just as there are generic races of
humanity no two theologies/atheologies will ever be exactly alike in
every particular; just as no two people are exactly alike, not even twins.
Genetics and
experience form the unique neural pathways that make up an individual
theology. At some small juncture in these pathways, everyone will see
things slightly differently, because no two brains are exactly alike. This
is why I believe it is important to respect other theologies/atheologies
while at the same time expressing our own: to expose the diversity of
human viewpoint, and to encourage cooperation among people of differing
beliefs.
Here, then, is the story of my own theology, and how it developed.
==================================
NOTICE: I write my story for these reasons:
--I like to write
--It's my story
--Maybe somebody will like me and I'll find a new friend.
Here is the story of how I became a pantheist, in 4 parts.
1) I am of the view that religious minorities are discriminated
against in this country by a particular kind of theocratic government
instituted during the 1950's when I was 5 - 7 years old. I aim to help
restore a purely secular government to the land. "Administration, Not
Theology" is my motto for this change.
I stand with
those who believe that the best protection for religious freedom is
secular government which derives its power from the will of the people and
leaves all discussion of God to the people themselves, not to the
government. I use my story to record the religious persecution I have
faced and continue to face, as document and testament to encourage the
ultimate changing of the law and structure of our government because I
want to be included, not excluded, as I am now.
The only way for
the government to practice inclusion of all religious faith is to avoid
theology of any kind...something our Founders knew. Today the government
excludes my religious beliefs from its practices and rituals while
advancing the beliefs of other citizens: this practice must come to an
end.
I do NOT write
to proselytize, preach, convert or in any way change the
theological/atheological thought patterns of anyone who may happen to read
this ...my goal is to change government practice, not the beliefs of
others.
I
DO encourage an alliance between people of diverse philosophical
backgrounds to effect the government change I advocate. I believe that
personal discussion of these varied backgrounds encourages the alliance I
seek.
Having said all this....
MY STORY
I was born thru no fault of my own into the Mormon Church.....
2) I remember one incident from when I was a Mormon boy.
I
was playing with my new bow and arrow in a vacant lot next to our house,
when I lost the arrow in the brush after shooting it high into the air. I
looked and looked but could not find my (expensive) arrow, so I decided to
pray to God to help me find it.
After my prayer, I found that I couldn't move when I tried to search
further for my lost arrow, because the cuff of my pant was caught so
much in the underbrush that I could not pull my leg away. I looked
down to discover that what had caught in my cuff was my arrow, directly
upon asking for God's help: and so I used this incident to convince myself
of the reality and power of God.
ATHEIST DAYS
By age 16 my critical analysis of church dogma in particular the
doctrine of virgin birth had convinced me to become an atheist.
Which I was for about ten years. This was even though I decided to leave
home in California for a (brief) stay at Brigham Young University, where
the Dean of Men wound up calling me the Antichrist.
(The story of how this happened has been published in Free Inquiry
Magazine the dispute with the Dean was over something I wrote. I have
long known the power of the pen to discomfort those in control.) I spent
the rest of my short time at BYU convincing my new LDS girlfriend that
there was no God. She believed me, and we were married when we were 21.
UNHAPPINESS
But during my early-mid 20's I became increasingly dissatisfied with my
own atheism. Some of the reasons were:
I was handling money that says "God"
I liked to say "goddamnit."
I cried at Christmas carols
I had been trained for politics as a youth
Believe it or not, the problem of God on the money was one of the
biggest obstacles for me to overcome.
I
could not rationalize to myself how I, a staunch atheist, could carry and
use God-money. It did not square with my interior morality.
Again, I am talking about myself, no one else. Other atheists use the
God-money every day with no problem, but such was not the case with me: I
was very bothered by it.
I
argued with myself that if I were a real atheist I would REFUSE to use
money with the word "God" printed on it this was how I thought as a hard
atheist, and I have since met atheists who take the time to scratch the
words off both bills and coins from the very same motivation I felt.
If
I were a good atheist I would also stop saying "goddamnit," because an
atheist doesn't believe in God; and I certainly would not get all weepy
over Christmas carols.
I
took these things (and more) very seriously, as I am wont to do when it
comes to questions of my own personal morality (honesty) with myself.
There was also the fact that I had been Boy's League President of my high
school and had run for Student Body President...and I noticed a high
degree of "God-usage" in politics: it was everywhere. I saw that I was at
a real disadvantage socially and politically as a non-God talker: at least
here in Southern California, and especially in Orange County where I live
now the most Republican county in the U.S.
GETTING SICK
In essence, a conflict grew in my psyche during my twenties between what
were my irreligious ideals and the religious culture which had shaped me
as a youth and within which I found myself trying to operate.
I
had always from an early age taken the subject of God VERY seriously I
wanted to know what God actually was. I also wanted to participate in and
be successful in my God-driven culture. I also had to acknowledge certain
religious-like tendencies within myself, such as the Christmas-carol
crying and other emotions of reverence and humility.
In
short order I became quite mentally unstable, because I could not
reconcile the factual world of science with the social world which had
created me and in which I needed to survive. It may sound odd, frivolous
and overly sensitive to those who are reading this, but my atheism
clashing with my culture was making me sick.
SOLUTION FOUND
I remember that I was so tired of other people telling me what God thought
that I wanted to get back at them and tell them a thing or two. I was full
of rage and dismay. I was going a bit crazy.
Then one day I had my conversion experience which instantaneously
changed this illness (major disquietude) to mental peace, and the actual
experience was just as they say: it happened in a flash. My conversion was
a realization I arrived at which instantaneously rearranged the thought
patterns in my brain to make them smooth and peaceful, where they had been
disquieted and upsetting for so long. (I had been doing a lot of
philosophical reading during this period, in particular D.T. Suzuki on Zen
and books like Alan Watts "The Book.")
What changed me in this instantaneous way was a combination of two
separate realizations which, when I linked them together in my brain,
instantly brought me mental peace...where I had had none for years.
TWO REALIZATIONS
The realizations were these. First, that as an American citizen under the
Constitution I have the right to define God for myself in any way I
choose.
I
had always accepted the standard definition of God entity in the sky
someplace which had created and watched over the world I had always
accepted that this was the definition of God, because it was the one that
had been taught to me.
I
came to the recognition that under the Constitution I had the right to
reject this particular definition of God and to make one for myself. After
all, God has been many things to many people, from a carved tiki to the
concept of "love" or "the universal ground of being." I came to see that
there were many (thousands) of versions of what God actually is, all
around the world, and that I even had the
right to make up an entirely new definition for myself, should I choose.
In my view the 1st Amendment guarantees the right to do this.
The
second observation was an old and comfortable one for me, and this was
that when our ancestors spoke of God what they were really talking about
was natural, universal phenomena which they could not fully control or
explain. Things like lightening, the starry sky, or why people are born to
the parents they are.
Indeed, my own observation was (and remains) that when people talk of God,
what they are really talking about is an attempt to understand their own
particular place within the cosmos, and their proper relation to it. To
me, this is all religion really is.
(Joseph Campbell: "religio" = "re-link")
SYNTHESIS
So in one flash of a moment I put these two ideas together in my brain
that I have the right to define God in my own way, and that religion is
all about personal identity within the cosmos and I decided that, for
me, God was just the universe itself, nothing more or less: the actual
universe,* taken in its entirety. Omnipresent.
*By "universe" I mean "all that exists," not the visible or measurable
universe (Hubble Sphere).
3) I am interested in what are the actual facts, and in a certain
amount of speculation (mind experiments) based upon these actual facts. I
am also interested in logic and where it leads. My two main postulates are
these:
1. All data perceived by human beings derive from the known
universe. That is, if we know it, it's part of the known universe.
2. If I am alive, and I am part of the universe, then part
of the universe is alive.
4) Basically, what I did at age 26 was to give myself permission to
use the word God, because for me God is just the universe and the universe
is patently real.
I
have been on many atheist and humanist discussion lists over the years,
and when I reveal this about myself I am always accused of "lying,"
"making things up," "corrupting the language" and etc. What these
accusations really reveal is the mental habits of the accusers: Western
atheists can only conceive of God as one thing, which is the creator God
they were taught by their culture as children...this is what they are
a-theist against.
I
did not learn this until about seven years ago on the human_ism list, but
my 30-year equation of the universe with God has a name, pantheism: and it
turns out that pantheism is a very old idea -- older than the major
religions so that the definition of God that I use is nothing new, and
has in fact been in use by humanity longer than the definition of a
creator God.
The
Stoics, for example, were pantheists, as was Baruch Spinoza. This claim
that I have simply made up (I DID come to the idea on my own, without any
knowledge of pantheist readings although I am told Walt Whitman was
something of a pantheist and I read him)...this claim that I am making up
a "new" or "unacceptable" or "arbitrary" definition of God is simply an
idea within the minds of people who don't know the history of theology:
the definition of God as the universe is the oldest human definition of
God that we know of.
The
ancients argued that something living could only come from something that
is alive, so they saw the universe as alive (since the universe produced
life). That was pantheism in its early years.
PLEDGE RESTORATION PROJECT
http://pledgeproject.com
My 10-year old political campaign is to restore our traditional Pledge of
Allegiance as it was recited when I was a boy: "...one nation,
indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." This is because I believe
I am within rather than under God: I am within rather than under the
universe. Therefore the phrase "under God" promotes a specific religious
belief that is not my own, and violates the establishment clause of the
Constitution.
A related link:
http://www.godoffmoney.com
|
