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Yeah. Too bad. I
was named after my dad and my gran'pa, my first name and my middle name. I
shoulda been named after Mom in some way, too, but it didn't happen and I
think that's where everything went wrong. She shoulda deemed herself
important enough to get in on the 'naming after' act, but she didn't. So,
my last name was given after my gran'pa on dad's side of the family. She
did that to all of us kids, when we were too little to have a say in the
matter. I dunno, maybe being a guy called "Mom" would have turned out bad.
Mom found out
how naming kids after people doesn't keep them from getting screwed up so
she tried another tack. Well, my brother mighta got named after an uncle
that was her brother. That didn't work, either, but I don't know what
pattern she followed to get Gerald his name. Maybe if she had spelled it
right, it would have made a difference.
There are
several ways to spell that name. I don't know which one is right, but I
can remember lots of arguments about how she should have spelled it.
That's why it must be wrong, even though none of the people who argued
about it had any version of his name. O'course, that's pretty typical of
stuff that people argue about.
By the time she
realized what was wrong with us was that we were kids, it was too late to
do anything about it. One thing for certain: If everything goes as
desired, we'll be old for a lot more years than we were kids. That's a
good thing, I think. I couldn't have stood being a kid for more than
fifteen years (but it took twenty). I couldn't have stood raising kids for
more than twenty years (but it took thirty). If all the precedents hold,
and I can stand being old for fifty years, it ought to take at least
seventy.
I don't really
know what comes after being old. I've heard all kinds of stories, all of
which seem unbelievable. The people who tell them don't agree with each
other at all, and I know dang well none of them have been there or done
that, and so they ain't authorities. It would be really nice if someone
had experienced it, and could be an authority to whom we could ask
questions. They could answer us with stuff like, "Well, you're in for the
greatest treat of your life, and it's just around the corner." "Well," we
might ask, "we just want to make sure: What is it?"
"It's called
'post-elderly syndrome' might come the answer, or something like it. "What
in blazes is that?" we might proceed to further our investigation with.
"Oh," they might say, "it's really nice. You don't have to lift a finger
ever again. Everything will be taken care of for you."
There is just
one part of all of that I don't like: They'll feel a strong inclination to
set our bodies on fire or else bury them in the ground. What a waste,
especially when I've heard all those stories about lions and tigers in
Africa starving to death.
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